This is basically a sounding board post...me putting my thoughts on paper and talking things through with myself and praising God for being all-mighty!
There have been times in my life where I was so sure of the path that I was on. Then there have been times, such as now, where I was so lost. The past few months have been difficult at best, ailing grandparents, disabled parents and a sense of helplessness have defined my days for so long now that I do not think I am able to fully concentrate.
It has been a year of ups and downs, more downs than ups. It has also been a year of change and self-evaluation. I have always been a person of decisiveness and willing to move forward with a plan just to see it through. Lately, I have been the master of indecisiveness, second-guessing my every move. It took me a while to figure out exactly why I was feeling this way. Simply put, it was Satan eating away at my self-confidence and making me feel inadequate to any task.
I am still in the process of searching for the right path. I implore my Father daily for guidance and His hand upon me as I stumble around. I have figured several things out though since the demise of my self-assured walk. I now know that my current employment is temporary. While I love teaching, I have been doing so since I was 19 years old and I am burning out.
With the graduation of yet another group of students, I realized that my heart was no longer in it. I walk through the halls and I remember all the students who have passed through. I have a difficult time seeing the new faces because I am comparing them to the others. It is not fair to the students and I feel horrible! So, I will be stepping back more and more and focusing on my other callings: writing and discipleship.
I have had three individuals tell me I should start a church or a fellowship. I do not feel that the Lord is leading me to start a church, but I am beginning to wonder if He has laid it on my heart to move forward with a fellowship. Maybe this is where my future is...
Have you ever had a day or a week or even a month of stumbling around in the darkness? I feel like I have been fumbling and stumbling since May. I am beginning to see a few rays of light through the darkness, but there has not been a total breakthrough yet. I know that my faith is strong, even when I waiver. I know that the Lord is sitting beside me as I type this and He is reaching out to me and giving me the encouragement and love that I need to make it through these trials.
Thank you Lord, for being a patient parent and for giving me your hand to hold as I seek for my place and my path among the world.
There have been times in my life where I was so sure of the path that I was on. Then there have been times, such as now, where I was so lost. The past few months have been difficult at best, ailing grandparents, disabled parents and a sense of helplessness have defined my days for so long now that I do not think I am able to fully concentrate.
It has been a year of ups and downs, more downs than ups. It has also been a year of change and self-evaluation. I have always been a person of decisiveness and willing to move forward with a plan just to see it through. Lately, I have been the master of indecisiveness, second-guessing my every move. It took me a while to figure out exactly why I was feeling this way. Simply put, it was Satan eating away at my self-confidence and making me feel inadequate to any task.
I am still in the process of searching for the right path. I implore my Father daily for guidance and His hand upon me as I stumble around. I have figured several things out though since the demise of my self-assured walk. I now know that my current employment is temporary. While I love teaching, I have been doing so since I was 19 years old and I am burning out.
With the graduation of yet another group of students, I realized that my heart was no longer in it. I walk through the halls and I remember all the students who have passed through. I have a difficult time seeing the new faces because I am comparing them to the others. It is not fair to the students and I feel horrible! So, I will be stepping back more and more and focusing on my other callings: writing and discipleship.
I have had three individuals tell me I should start a church or a fellowship. I do not feel that the Lord is leading me to start a church, but I am beginning to wonder if He has laid it on my heart to move forward with a fellowship. Maybe this is where my future is...
Have you ever had a day or a week or even a month of stumbling around in the darkness? I feel like I have been fumbling and stumbling since May. I am beginning to see a few rays of light through the darkness, but there has not been a total breakthrough yet. I know that my faith is strong, even when I waiver. I know that the Lord is sitting beside me as I type this and He is reaching out to me and giving me the encouragement and love that I need to make it through these trials.
Thank you Lord, for being a patient parent and for giving me your hand to hold as I seek for my place and my path among the world.
