I lie awake; I am like a lonely sparrow on the housetop. (Psalm 102:7)
I must confess I did not realize how isolated I have become as I focus on caring for my mother and helping my daughter navigate this new chapter in her life. Plodding ahead with a sporadic text message sent here and there to those I once considered close friends; even my ride or die seemed to be out of reach.
My once bustling social life has ground to a halt and I push through each day without much outside interaction other than the pharmacist, the cashier, the stock boy, occasionally the girl at the bank and a friendly server at the local diner.
Facing Hardship
Two days ago we had a storm blow through. A large tree limb fell in the backyard and the electric was out for about seven hours. Caring for my mom during the power outage took a lot of energy and when the lights finally flickered back on, it was time to head to bed. I was exhausted but Mom was wired and wanted to stay up longer. My daughter went to get a glass of water for Mom but no water came out of the faucet.
At 10 o'clock at night I scoured YouTube for things to try to get the water flowing again. One not-so-helpful video suggested a plumber should be called, but another video said to check the well pump to make sure it was working. Bingo. Now, figuring out how to get the darn thing to work again...and coming from a woman who has never had to fix household problems before, this was a scary thing.
I sat at my desk searching for videos to show me things to try and pleading with the Lord to reach Hishand down and fix the well pump (He's the ultimate healer, why not be the ultimate handyman as well?!!). Coming across a short 30-second video, I thought well that doesn't seem so hard. So, I walked over the well pump and flipped a little switch up, holding it up for about 15 seconds.
The little gauge on the tank jumped and I heard my daughter shout from upstairs. She came running down the stairs and asked anxiously what did I just do. Trepidation leapt into my heart and I thought I just blew something up with my Mr-Fix-It attempt. But, praise God, the water was running again!
Even though it was now almost 11 o'clock at night, I wanted to share my triumph with my besties. After shooting off a text to my friends full of smiley faces and fun emojis, I finally got Mom into bed for the night and I caught some sleep.
Facing Fears
My phone remained silent all through the next day and I didn't think much of it as I was busy trying figure out how to move the large tree limb that had fallen. After sending out a few calls for help and nobody being available to come, I pulled out my dad's electric chainsaw (I'm too intimidated by the gas-powered chainsaw). My dad was one of those guys who did not feel women needed to know how to fix things around the house or run a chainsaw (or a lawn mower). So, for me to even pick up a chainsaw was a big win. After plugging in the chainsaw, I walked over to the limb, said a prayer for safety and wisdom, and turned it on.
I admit, it took longer to cut up that big limb than it should have, but I did it and was feeling ready to take on the world with my new-found abilities. After cleaning up, I picked up my phone and called one of my friends but the phone went to voicemail. I left a message and sent a text to a few other friends.
My phone has still remained silent and it has left me sitting here evaluating actions over the last 8 years (my dad was diagnosed with cancer 8 years ago this past Christmas and he passed away six months later). When my dad first became sick and we were racing back and forth to treatments and then the hospital, friends were everywhere pitching in when needed and offering support with prayers, meals, and silly texts.
Facing Isolation
After he passed and my mom's health issues began intensifying, there were a few friends who seemed to disappear but our support network still seemed strong. When we could not go to dinner with friends I would invite friends to the house. When a friend would call for help, I would find a way to lend a hand and they did the same when I needed help.However, through the years our support network keeps shrinking, whether through friends getting busy, older friends passing away (or developing health issues), or friends disappearing. The transition to isolation was so subtle I did not realize what was happening. I noticed that I was always the one reaching out to friends, inviting them to brunch, dinner, game night, or other activities. Invitations to events and activities stopped coming.
Praising God
I don't mean to sound like I am whining or playing the "poor me" card. I just found it interesting (or sad) that personal relationships can fade in times of hardship. Isolation creeps in and you don't even realize it is happening.
Learning how to reset a well pump or run a chainsaw may seem like little things to someone else, but to me they were milestones that I wanted to celebrate. But, when I looked around, those I wanted to celebrate with were no longer there. I know that the Lord is rejoicing with me and He is proud of me and that should be enough. But, there are times you want to hear someone say, "Good job."
Have you ever wanted to share good news or accomplishments only to realize you did not have anyone to call (or text)?